How To Mend Strained Relationships?
Modern relationships are vulnerable and seem to be fraying rather easily. These days conflicts and contradictions are on a rise. It is really disheartening that marriages have become a compromise; parents have become an undesired responsibility, brothers and sisters are no longer as close as hands and feet and love relationships are being exceedingly fruitless. A sorrowful alienation from those once nearest is a sad characteristic of our lives today.
We are the product of human relationships, and most of us spend our days within the context of relationships with other people. We need other people to be close to us in our lives, or we tend to get sick. Who we are is very much a function of where we have come from, and who we surround ourselves with.
Men cannot live a life of isolation and know anything of the enjoyment of life. We live in a time when people spend hours upon hours of their days on gadgets; ultimately, leading to people drifting from each other — causing great strain on the relationships.
When Abraham Lincoln was a young man starting in life, it used to be said of him, “Lincoln has nothing — only plenty of friends.” To have plenty of friends is to be very rich — if they are the right sort.
Few Reasons for Strained Relationships:
1.“It is better to understand little than to misunderstand a lot” — Antole France.
Many a relationships are buried under the weight of misunderstanding which is often the chief cause for most of the trouble in life. We suspect ill of others without cause, as a consequence, brood over the little misunderstandings of life giving occasion to violent explosions. We all possess a unique ability to listen to one story and understand another (for what is said and heard are a light years apart). Making assumptions without knowing the whole story gives way to misapprehension. The wantonness of the human understanding rushes with all its force into foolishness. It misconstrues and perverts the most innocent expressions and turns them into a matter of calumny, ruining and spoiling our relationships.
I believe empathy is the most essential quality in maintaining harmonious relationships. It is permissible if we can’t understand others but inexcusable if we misunderstand.
2. Blame everyone and you will end up with no one else but yourself.
When people are lame people love to blame directly or tacitly. We never look good or make any good by making someone else look bad. Blame holds us back and responsibility moves us forward. An important decision we need to make is to resist playing the blame game to be a happier and healthier person. Blame is the coward’s way out but to apologize even when we are not wrong is bravery. Wherever we find a problem, we will usually find the finger-pointing of blame. Society is addicted to playing the victim.
Sometimes we have to swallow our pride, accept that we are wrong; it’s not giving up it’s growing up.
3. Anger is one letter short of danger.
Anger is momentary in madness that blows out the lamp of the mind, brings in darkness and is the cause of a lot of misery in relationships. It strikes the fire which sets families and relations to a flame. When we carry our resentments too far, we give occasion to others to quarrel and take the occasion that others give, though ever so trifling. A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he that is slow to anger quiets contention. Our stature is measured by the size of a thing that makes us angry.
Do the acts of love and they will bring the spirit of love. Speak — with whatever effort — speak words of attraction; gently; in a low voice; with a subdued tone.
4. In the war of ego the loser always wins!!
The obstinacy which attends self-conceit produces contention. Pride is a dividing distemper. Relationships never die a natural death. They are murdered by ego and arrogance. In the affairs of our social lives our pride, rather than our sense of right, usually creates, fosters, and embitters divisions, alienations, and quarrels. Pride makes us impatient of contradiction in either our opinions or our desires, impatient of competition and rival-ship, impatient of contempt, or anything that looks like a slight, and impatient of concession, and receding, from a conceit of certain right and truth on others’ side; and hence arise quarrels among relations and neighbors. Although there is no bloodshed, the contest is often very sharp and painful.
It is the only requirement to destroy any relationship, so be the bigger person to skip the ‘E’ and let it ‘Go’
5. “A lot of problems in the world would disappear if we talk to each other instead of talking about each other”.
Whisperings and evil surmise, like a sword, divide and cut asunder the bounds of love and friendship, and separate those that have been dearest to each other. Many a dangerous quarrels are fed and encouraged by talebearers and whisperers, who as incendiaries add fuel to the fire, leading to contention. Richard Steele once said, “Fire and sword are slow engines of destruction when compared to gossip”. Gossips are worse than thieves because they steal another person’s dignity, reputation, and credibility. We tend to gossip to draw people into our own hurt and anger. We want others to side with us so we tell our side of the story.
Make a habit of shutting down conversation that aims to tear others down. It is time for us to decide that we don’t have any part of it.
6. “Mind your own business. But love your neighbor as yourselves”- David c Hill.
We all have a habit of advising others unsolicited, i.e. meddling which certainly does not endear us to people. It is interfering in the affair we have no concern. When we get busy with what does not concern us; that is, when we pry into the affairs of another and attempt to control or direct them as if they are our own, hazard not only ourselves into trouble but also our relation. The most pestiferous of all persons is he who has nothing to do but to look after the affairs of his neighbors. He pragmatically intrudes into their business making himself a judge of those things which belong not to him.
The best tip is not to interfere unless we are directly, explicitly asked for.
7. “Someone else’s victory is not your defeat”.
Envy is a pestilent lust; it makes another’s good our grief. It is an uneasiness, pain, mortification, or discontentment, excited by another’s prosperity, or by his superior knowledge or possessions. Petty strivings for place and preferment, jockeyings for advantage, pushing and shoving for prestige or attention separates best of friends. Envying and grudging is a fruitful cause of strife and evil speaking which leads to divisions. The venomous feeling between man and man, i.e. to desire others’ portion or being troubled that they fare so well reverses the law of love.
We must esteem and appreciate good in others.
Isn’t it strange, despite making all the technological advancement in the field of communication in creating tools and applications to connect and communicate with people, the distance is only growing by the day!!
