Still the best advice I’ve gotten-
What I learned from a mentor at my first “real job” changed the way I saw everything — from managing priorities to prioritizing values to juggling a multitude of relationships and roles.
I don’t get to write many stories in the writing I do to make money. And, I miss writing stories. So, here’s one about the man who gave me my first real job (i.e. one that paid enough so that I didn’t have to work a second job). That job and his advice changed my life forever.
In 2006, I started working for a man named Mathwon Howard. I’m not sure where he came from, Chicago maybe, but he had been hired into a big job at a public institution in a last ditch attempt by the adminstration to “right the ship”. He moved his wife and young child from wherever they were to the middle of no where. He lasted 2 years.
Mathwon’s wife had twins that first winter. And the weather was awful. Mathwon’s secretary, AnnMarie would say, “Oh that poor girl. Home all alone with the kids.”
AnnMarie reminded me of my grandmother. She was petite. And a bit round. I loved AnnMarie. Not only because she mothered me but because she was Dutch. AnnMarie had cookies and tea every afternoon at 2pm, unless Mathwon had an important meeting or something.
When I was learning Dutch, many years prior, I would bike to an older woman’s house in Holland after school twice a week. She was the widow of one of the Rotary Club members, Rotary International having sponsored my exchange.
We had cookies and tea and talked about the weather. I still get nostalgic whenever I think of it.
Mathwon was a stunning man, graceful when he walked and tall. In fact, the way I remember him, he looked like Obama. But I campaigned for Obama while I worked for Mathwon, so I would have noticed then. I’m not even really sure Mathwon was black.
They both have beautiful skin and interesting names. Not like white people names — how many Michaels and Matthews and Sarahs do we really need? I have never played on an adult sport league where there weren’t two, sometimes three, people with the same name. Are you Matt B or Matt D? Emily 1 or Emily 2 or 3? Little Daniel or Big Daniel?
I was Mathwon’s first hire. It was a big deal. I was like his right hand (wo)man. There were other folks in the field — the rest of the team — but I was different. Special. His mentee. It was a fucking dream situation.
Want to know how I got the job?
I sat in the waiting room of his office until he offered me a job, tailor made for someone he was going to mentor and train. Holy shit, right?
AnnMarie joked that she thought she might have to file a restraining order if he didn’t hire me.
I’ve always been a little crazy. It’s part of my charm.
Mathwon was a great mentor. He was charismatic and kind. He read a lot and he paid full attention to people when they were with him.
Unfortunately, he had come aboard a sinking ship. Mathwon got out of there fast. Faster than I would have imagined, since he had just hired me. As his right hand (wo)man.
But, Mathwon was a smart man. The institution would get ensnarled in scandals, myself included, and implode a short time later.
There are so many things that happened between him giving me that job and my exit from that job, but those will have to be stories for another day.
The moral of THIS story is that Mathwon taught me one thing that changed my outlook on life.
Seriously. And, it’s simple. I’m sure he got it from someone else. Or a book he read.
Want to know what it is?
This doesn’t mean you only DO three things. This means you make a PRIORITY out of three things. Just three. No more.
If you do that and you are clear on those three things, you’ll have the best chance at doing what matters. What really matters in a day.
If I remember correctly, Mathwon had been some sort of reverend or pastor before this job. He knew how to give an empassioned talk. Mathwon had the style and the enthusiasm to work an entire room. And, he was really very smart.
You can only do three things in a day. It’s still the best advice I’ve ever gotten — 10 years later.
The days when I do this one simple thing are the days that I am most productive. They are the days when I am happier and lighter. I am more focused and feel a greater sense of control.
Why?
Because all the other shit is going to happen regardless. People are going to call. You’re going to need to go to the store. You probably have dry cleaning to pick up.
That’s great.
Put them all on a master list.
But each day, you only get three things. You can connect with this person and work on this proposal and take your kid to the dentist, but you can’t expect yourself to do more than three things.
I’ve had a lot of bad days. When I get knocked down, I can get stuck. Unwilling to walk through the pain to get to the other side.
I’ve had a lot of good days too.
And, on my best days — for the past 10+ years — I’ve taken the time to sort through the hundreds of thoughts in my head, pick out the three most important — the ones critical to my core values — and do them. Along with all the other bullshit and maybe even more shit from the master list.
I would go so far as to say that some days, this three thing rule, might have even saved my life.
Because what the hell are we doing all this shit for if none of it makes a difference? We’re all going to die.
Those children in Florida? They died. On Thursday. For no reason. In an instant. No one knew. No one got to say goodbye.
The only way to live is to accept that you will die. And the only cure for the existential angst of knowing you are going to die is to live a life you value. At least, that’s what I think.
Thanks for letting me tell a story. If you hated it, you can let me know. I like to write — I’ll write whatever people will read these days. Before you demand only pretty pictures and flashing video clips.
A couple of claps never hurt anybody either! Thanks for reading.
